It’s end of June! Half the year has passed so quickly without writing. Overwhelmed by what the universe has to offer and the heavy weight of time. Everyday building onto the next, every moment claiming a new beginning and a new end. What am I chasing?
As much as i underwhelm myself on how many things im doing on the side, it did end up consuming the whole of me. From startups, work, new relationships, travel, family, friends, run, gym, learning languages, food, books, art, love. It may look like im in control. To a certain degree - maybe. But I let things happen to me, and I react. Allowing myself to fall into the push and pull of life and letting those fill out every bit of space in my day. But that’s life isn’t it? If you strip away those things, would there be anything left to react and to savour?
AI was one of many that happened to me this year and changed my dynamics with time. Things move faster than I could react, making every millisecond more precious than ever. When was it ever not? I slowed down when i needed to, and time then was equally as precious. Like walking down the city with a girl you barely knew, sharing an umbrella as you walked down the dark glossy streets, then asking her out as we sat by the live jazz music on a coffee bar that night. Unplanned yet it felt just right. Was I in control then? To a certain degree - I reacted once again.
Sharing a warm hotpot on a winter night, meeting with a friend for the first time in ten years, seeing ethereal creatures at the aquarium, then stopping by for a khao soi poutine at happy hour. Working on weekends and forming new friendships on a snow blizzard. Spending time with your love, getting to know them more over many hours drinking, until its valentines and you had to leave for a two-months long trip to the opposite side of earth.
Chinese new year was a celebration! Seeing relatives grow makes you realize how much time passed without you being there. The mesmerizing view of Laboan Bajo. Getting your sun burned while snorkelling gave you the hell’s itch a week later and taught you much of self-control and finding peace in the midst of hell. That night, listening to a professional singer at a bar in Bangkok. The street food. The Ching Ming festival rituals at Medan, the Sumatran monkeys, the fresh fruits, the historic Tjong a fie mansion. The sight of kids half your age going home from school as the rain poured on our way to Simalam resort shows the horror of climate change.
Then it was spring in Canada. Enjoying your company while soaking in the sunset of mid May. Once you watched it sink under the Toronto skyline from Riverdale Park, and cherishing it another time as the star silhouetted the cherry blossoms at High Park. Then meeting her friends while seeing the other side of the person you know. Your disappointment when you didn’t get that promotion because AI has changed the game. The amazing drinks at Brick Room and Hey Tea that gave moments of peace. The house party where you dressed as an old couple from the retirement home. Retirement?
Right. you are growing old. Through winter spring and summer, you woke up everyday looking forward to live on to the next, bouncing off between a hedonist - who seeks pleasure and experience in the expense of one’s future, and an optimizer - an endless working of hobbies, wellness, and self improvement. Community and isolation. Experience and discipline. If you’re lucky you could have a little of both. A support system that ties you to the present, while giving room for self improvement and staying hard.
Work doesn’t end here, but today, on my 27th birthday, i woke up knowing that i enjoyed where i was, where im at, where i wish to be.